porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
