how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
