is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
