Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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