I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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