she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
