I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
