Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
