Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
