I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
