WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No stitches, just platelets and will power
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
