I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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