I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
