Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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