He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
