I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
