I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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