If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
