Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
