Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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