Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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