I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
