In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
