dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
