my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
