Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
