I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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