I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
