I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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