i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
