you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
