Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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