I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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