hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
