Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
