I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
