I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When are your genitals available?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
