Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
