I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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