I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
