Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
