She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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