It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
