Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
