its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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