ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
