My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
