Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In America we eat man semen.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize