I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
