YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
