I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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